A couple of months ago, I had reached my breaking point.
I was running on empty and feeling seriously stretched thin. I was stuck in that loop of putting everyone’s needs before my own (and there were so many needs!).
Each day I would feel a little more depleted than the next. Have you ever been in that space?
I knew something had to change. So, when I saw the opportunity to head to LA for my favorite business coach’s workshop and also get some personal girl time in for my college’s homecoming weekend, I jumped at the chance.
This was exactly what I needed: 2 full days of thinking solely about my business and then 2 more days of mimosas, music and belly laughs with my friends from college. Oh and sun because it’s 80 degrees in November in LA (#climatechangeisreal)
But…once I’d made the decision to go, like clockwork the guilt crept in.
“If I leave both kids at home my husband would have to take 2 days off to watch Baby J. That seems unfair.”
(Real Talk: It’s NOT).
So, I decided to take J with me.
Then I thought of hiring a nanny in LA to help me for the 4 days so that I could focus on building my business and having fun.
There was Guilt again.
“Nailah, you have family in LA who hasn’t seen J in a while. Hiring a nanny just for 4 days seems extravagant.”
(Real Talk: It’s NOT).
So— instead of going solo, I made the decision to stay with family and have them watch J.
Those were my concessions.
As expected when you make concessions, shit started to go left.
Halfway into the first day of my workshop, it was clear the childcare situation wasn’t working out.
I was angry.
While I was mad at the other party for not doing what they were supposed to do, I was mostly mad at myself.
I knew what I needed from this weekend. Instead of putting myself first, unapologetically, I accommodated everyone else at my own expense.
I chipped away at a much needed (and deserved) perfect weekend. I was left with a water downed, diet version of what would actually fill me up.
Yep. I was angry with myself.
Choosing to put yourself first is not a one and done thing.
It’s not a goal you can check off of your list once, moving on to the next thing.
It’s something that you have to work on continually.
It’s maintenance work.
You will backslide into old habits.You’ll forget the new rules you set for yourself. You will xyz. But if you continue to work at it, and put your self-care into action— that JOY FILLED, UNAPOLOGETIC life that you crave? You’ll be living it.
And when we’re filled with joy, we are better versions of ourselves.
Better women, moms, daughters, sisters, aunts, friends, cousins.
Just Better.
And that is BEST for everyone.
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